The Meriam-Webster dictionary gives a  few definitions of 'fraud', one being:
a person who is not what he or she pretends to be (also: imposter).

Lately, I'm been pondering through different aspects of my faith.  I'm beginning to question how this Westernized culture affects how I view God and put Him neatly into a box to fit into my perception of reality to mesh well with 'my' life.  What kind of relationship did the men and women of the bible have with God?  Was is one who saw God as their best buddy?  One of fear and reverence?  One as a teacher and mentor?  In talking with a friend, we both were discussing how the view of God as our friend is not very evident in the bible.  The disciples even were more in a teaching and mentoring relationship with Jesus.  (Feel free to jump in and disagree if you like, keep my brain juices flowing...)  I don't want to make my God a friendly God, just in order for me to try and understand and relate to Him.  I want to find out who this God really is...to be in awe of His sovereignty and power, to have a healthy and respectful fear of the One who has created me.  And I want to know this God intimately, and to have the head connect with the heart...

Thus being a fraud is something I desperately do not want as a part of my being.  So often as Christians we become the frauds and hypocrites we do not want to be, and somehow we fall into a mediocre life when we didn't even realize it.  At church we sing songs and pray, we can say the 'right' thing, look the 'right' way...but does our heart and faith really connect with it all?  I get nervous that I will fall into that comfortable life, trying to make my God fit somewhere neatly in the lines - rather than embrace this All-power God for who He is.  Golly...I don't think I can even fully express my thought pattern at the time...thanks for bearing with me.  

On another side note, in this journey, I have been encouraged through scripture.  Keltie gave me a devo book at Christmas, which has been a source of much encouragment lately.  Through this book and the bible, there have been some awesome verses that have popped out at the perfect timing to touch my heart and remind me that the Lord knows my circumstances and will reveal Himself in little ways to show His guidance and love:)

"The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."  Proverbs 4:23

"In repentance and rest you will be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength."  Isaiah 30:15

"Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  How blessed are all those who long for Him."  Isaiah 30:18

I've been reminded to be in silence with the Lord, to find my rest and peace in Him.  To trust that He is leading me in a good way, to guard my heart in Him and embrace a love for life through loving God.   Good to be encouraged, but application is a different thing.  Nonetheless, I hope to strive to apply these truths, and to seek more of God's character and apply it, rather that just live the mediocre, luke-warm Christian life that we were never intended to live...

And so the journey continues...